March 7th - My Dream Job

I think I'm supposed to begin this post by saying, "I've already got it, baby!" After all, I am home with my kids and able to teach them daily instead of having to send them off to school. And while it is an extreme privilege I don't take lightly, it can also be genuinely difficult, frustrating and exhausting.

So yes, there are days I dream of shuffling the little angels off to school and showering and dressing in something other than yoga pants and having my hair done and perfect makeup to go off into my world of adult interaction and fulfillment in a career. But it isn't what God has for me now, and I really am fine with that, but a girl can still imagine her dream job, right?

I know more about myself now than I did when I went to college and got a degree in education. I know now that my utmost desire is not to work in a traditional classroom, but my first love is still speech and drama, on which my education degree was centered. (I may or may not have spent last Saturday at a nesting bird seminar silently evaluating each public speaker and imagining how I could coach them to be more dynamic presenters.)

Occasionally Dan and I, and maybe the kids, get to attend a local theater production. While I appreciate all that goes on on the stage, I find myself drawn to the lights, the music, and the scenery the most. I adore letting my mind wander to the scene designer's choices and how s/he came up with the design. I visualize the light board and fantasize about being the one sitting at it and working the show. More than once I've left a show and started rambling to Dan on how I would love to work behind the scenes, maybe even as a volunteer, just to be back in the theater.

If the day comes when I do decide to shuffle the kids off to school, or heaven forbid, they actually choose to move away, I think my first order of business will be looking into the local theater scene and worming my way back in.

Or maybe I'll open a fabric shop. Or work at a local yarn store. Or start my own book club. Oh, maybe I should run for public office. Or write a cookbook . . . we are talking about dreams here, aren't we?

Okay lovely readers, I want to know what your dream job is!

March 6th - Random Act of Kindness

I think I was supposed to write about my most recent random act of kindness, but I don't like to talk about myself (HA - this blog is about my life, right?) But seriously, I do believe that trumpeting my good deeds to the world accomplishes the exact opposite of what I want. It makes much of me, instead of my Savior, whose love compels me toward good deeds, and it diminishes the joy you receive by kindness. Instead, I'll follow Missy's lead and talk about a random act of kindness done to me.

This past summer, we attended a birthday party for a friend from college. It was at a park and while our kids happily ran around with all the other little munchkins there, I sat and talked with one of my dearest friends for most of the evening. At some point, another person sat down and started talking to the two of us. She was a friend of a friend and after introductions were made, she started asking really good questions that kept the conversation flowing, instead of that awkward silence that usually follows a cold introduction. I casually mentioned Dan and I had taken up sailing (and by Dan and I, I mean Dan). She loves sailing and we talked for quite a while about the joys and my fears surrounding the sport. At the end of the evening, she casually said she'd look me up on Facebook and we parted ways.

Months have passed, and other than seeing her occasional update on my news feed in Facebook, we haven't interacted at all. A few weeks ago she posted a question about a book I've been wanting to read and I commented that I should buy it, but I keep waiting for my library to get it in so I don't have to spend the money. She quickly messaged me asking for my address and a few days later the book arrived in my mailbox. Totally unexpected act of kindness, which completely made me giddy for the rest of the day.

What book did she send me? You'll have to wait until the 11th, when I plan to write about the last book I read.

March 5th - Favorite Movies I Never Get Sick of Watching

Ummm, did you notice my #5 on this post? I am not, nor ever have been, a movie person. I'll watch it, but most likely I'll fall asleep and miss the most important parts. Sorry, but movies are not my cup o' tea. But if I have to do this, here are a couple that I don't mind watching more than once:



#1. Pride and Prejudice, the BBC version. I own this - that alone should show you how much I value this production, since our movie collection only has about 6 titles.

#2. The Harry Potter Series. Loved the books, loved the movies. Won't let my kids watch past #2 yet, but I still desire to own them all.

#3. The Princess Bride. Only because it reminds me of almost every get-together I ever had as a teenager.

And my guilty pleasure:

#4. Tommy Boy. I'm a sucker for slapstick comedy and this too reminds me of my high school days.

Just so you know, I'm slightly embarrassed to have just admitted to that last one. 

March 4th - My Favorite Childhood Memory

Wait, I'm supposed to write about my FAVORITE childhood memory? That's nearly impossible! How am I supposed to boil down 18 years of a loving, supportive family, great friends and countless gifts and celebrations down to ONE favorite memory? Well, I'm a slave to this challenge, so I will try.

I grew up, um, how shall we say it . . . not quite up to the middle-class rung on the socioeconomic ladder. I don't want to say we were poor, God was gracious to give us what we needed, but not a whole lot more. We never missed a meal, although my Mom will say we ate too much boxed Mac 'n Cheese. We never went naked, but I wore A LOT of hand-me-downs. We never went through long bouts of unemployment, but my parents weren't scaling the corporate ladder at the Big Business downtown, either. My parents taught me a lot about how to live on a little (Mom is still trying to teach me how to throw together a meal without a recipe and specific ingredients), and my parents gave money faithfully to our church and scrimped and saved to be able to send us to a Christian school. I say all of this just to set the scene that non-holiday presents were scarce and completely unexpected.

My Mom had just started working at this new clothing store in town, Kohl's. (It cracks me up to think how we didn't know anything about this franchise, since now I live in the state of it's headquarters and 90% of my wardrobe comes from there!) It was the mid 80's, and Cabbage Patch Dolls were the toy du jour, and crazy parents were nearly killing each other for the last doll on the shelf. Of course I wanted one, but they were way too expensive and it wasn't my birthday or Christmas. Maybe I begged for one, but I don't remember being exceptionally annoying about it, more likely I knew it wasn't in the stars for me to have one. Of course, I always did the right thing in my memories of my childhood, so I don't claim that specific detail to be 100% true, but you'll have to find my parents and grill them on their memories to see if they differ.

On that fateful day, my Mom came home from her shift and called me into our kitchen. She had a giant plastic bag and told me it was for me. I remember being absolutely stunned to receive a gift out of nowhere, and genuinely shocked when I pulled out a brand new Cabbage Patch Doll from the bag. She had orange yarn hair, and while I remember them being named rather odd names, I can't remember hers. I named her Kimberly, and she instantly became my favorite doll. I dressed her in some of my old baby clothes, which were always disproportionate to her size. But I loved her and played with her for endless hours and never forgot that special gift.

Even Alli enjoys my favorite doll, still dressed in old baby clothes! 

March 3rd - What Makes Me Happy

A list? No, it's Sunday afternoon and I'm too tired to think that hard. Let's keep this simple. Here are some pictures that best defines when I am most happy:

Being with my babies on the lake

(2011)

 Riding in the boat (but not necessarily driving)

 Camping with the family, near the water, of course!

Walks on the beach

Are you sensing a theme yet?!

March 2nd - Favorite Quote(s)

I'll leave it to the masterfully simple-yet-eloquent C.S. Lewis . . .

"… it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."

She's ALIVE!!!

Yes, it has been over a year since I last posted. "What has happened?" you may ask. Much. Much has happened, but mostly life. Moving, homeschooling, etc. . .  has eaten up too much of my time for me to sit and compose a post. I'm sure you understand.

Then I came across this little blog challenge, and far be it from me to shy away from a challenge (anyone who knows me is laughing right now, remembering how often I quit) and I decided that maybe it would help jump start my blogging habit again.

But I'm not making any promises.

Day 1: Self portrait and 5 random facts about yourself. Here goes:

I couldn't find a more recent picture of me that I was willing to share, so here is one of my family and I at Christmas. Alli thought it was supposed to be a funny pic - hence the snarl.

Random Fact #1: I hate the sound of chewing. If you are a loud chewer, please do not sit next to me at any meal. Only problem is that I married one. Yes, good people, that strikingly handsome man in the picture above is a loud chewer. Wait, this is supposed to be facts about me, right? Oops!

Random Fact #2: I have worn a size 7 shoe for most of my life, but recently I've started buying size 7 1/2. Can feet grow with age?

Random Fact #3: I took up knitting about a year ago and have fallen in love with it. I'm still knitting small items, but I hope to start a sweater soon!

Random Fact #4: I keep telling myself that we mostly eat a non-processed diet. I mean, I KEEP telling myself this, even as I make Velveeta soup. But hey, we are trying!

Random Fact #5: I've fallen asleep during more movies than I've actually finished watching. Start a movie and turn off the lights and I'm out. It's like a lullaby to me.

So there you have it! Hoping to keep up with the challenge this month, but at this point, more than one post in 12 months will be a victory for me!

My Favorite Vegetable 1 - Parsnip Fries

Ever since I started my crazy bean diet, I have tried to find new and interesting ways to eat vegetables. After all, one can only eat so many baby carrots and steamed broccoli. As I made dinner tonight, which included one of my favorite new vegetables, I decided to write a series of posts highlighting my most-beloved ways of preparing them.

Enter . . . Parsnips.

I'm only slightly embarrassed to admit I had never had a parsnip before the bean diet. I'm not sure I would have even recognized one in a line-up if asked. So here is a picture of a parsnip, in case you wondered. Our local store, The Pig sells them pre-packaged in bags, usually containing 8-10 parsnips, perfect for feeding our family of 4.

I begin by peeling and cutting the parsnips into fries. Since they can be rather odd-shaped, thick at one end and itty-bitty skinny on the other, I usually quarter the thick end and only half the skinny end to keep them similar in size.

In a separate bowl (sorry no picture - who do you think I am? The Pioneer Woman?) mix 1/2 tsp. paprika, 1/2 tsp. garlic powder, 1/2 tsp. fresh ground pepper, 1 tsp. salt, and 1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper (less if you don't like much heat). To the spice mixture add 3 Tbsp. olive oil. 

Coat the parsnips with the spice and oil mixture and put in a 425 degree oven for 40 minutes, stirring every 15-20 minutes. In case you wondered, I had used some of the parsnips for another dish (this one!) and so my pile is a bit smaller than it would have been if I had used the whole bag.

When they are done, they will be crispy and slightly dark. That is okay. They taste sweet and spicy with the cayenne and are really good. Even my kids eat these up.

Try them some night as a side dish. You might be surprised, like I was, at how tasty they can be!

 Despite consistent failure, every year I make a list of resolutions. Some years it has only been one or two things which I want to focus on completing, and some years it is a full-on list of many decisions that I view would make my life better. For the last couple of years, I have worked more around a general theme that encompasses some of what I want to change.

In 2011, I wanted to Love More. For reasons I won't get into, I felt like I had spent the years before kind of in a state of withdrawal, partly because I had been hurt and partly because I had selfishly taken on too much in the name of serving God. I had been working myself into quite a state trying in my own power to do everything I thought God wanted or expected me to do. It took a good friend to remind me that Jesus told us His yoke is easy and His burden is light. And it didn't seem that way at the time, so Dan and I took a deliberate effort to slowly unwind those binding cords and focus on what we knew God had given us.

So, along came last year and after a good 12 months of stepping back, I really wanted to take one baby step forward. I wanted to actively love others, outside of my immediate family, since I felt like I had lacked in that area. But then I found out I was pregnant, and the endless Dr's appointments and subsequent surgeries and stays in the hospital (which Dan lovingly called our most expensive home) and bed rest helped push that goal completely out of my mind.

Then we lost Stephen and I was consumed with grief. And that focus took up most of the rest of the year. And while I won't say I'm no longer grieving, it is different now. Not quite as raw, the moments that I'm overtaken are further apart and shorter. Basically, I'm able to function now, quite normally, while still tending my aching heart and trying to help my children process the grief as well.

Then 2012 stared sneaking up on me. And I was back on the bandwagon of resolutions (exercise more, lose weight, read more, stay in contact with family better, etc. . . ) But I felt like 2011's theme was wasted. That I didn't really love anyone better last year. Once again, God sent a friend to remind me that even though last year didn't look a thing like I had planned, He was still working in me. And although my loving others didn't pan out like I had envisioned, He was growing in me love, and a desire to help those who are hurting and love the unlovely. He cultivated a new compassion, tender young sprout that it is, and He was faithful to bring me to His goals, without my direct involvement. And while I could wax eloquent about the theology behind "working out your own salvation with fear and trembling" I had certainly not given adequate emphasis on the "for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." (Phil. 2:12-13)

So for this "make-a-list-and-stick-to-it" girl, it was exactly what I needed to learn in 2011. 

Beef Stew with Molasses and Raisins

Quite possibly the best thing I have ever eaten. And I'm not exaggerating . . .

Beef Stew with Molasses and Raisins

1/3 c. flour

2 tsp salt, divided

1 1/2 tsp pepper, divided

2 lbs beef stew meat, cut into 1 1/2 in pieces

5 Tbs oil, divided

2 medium onions, sliced

1 can diced tomatoes, drained

1 cup beef broth

3 Tbs molasses

2 Tbs cider vinegar

4 cloves garlic, minced

2 tsp dried thyme

1 tsp celery salt

1 bay leaf

8 oz baby carrots, cut in half lengthwise

2 parsnips, diced

1/3 c. golden raisins

1. Combine flour, 1 1/2 teaspoons salt and 1 teaspoon pepper in large bowl. Toss meat in flour mixture. Heat 2 Tbs oil in large skillet or Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add half of beef and brown on all sides. Set aside browned beef and repeat with 2 additional tablespoons oil and remaining beef.

2. Add remaining 1 Tbs oil to skillet. Add onions and cook 5 minutes, stirring to scrape up any browned bits. Add tomatoes, broth, molasses, vinegar, garlic, thyme, celery salt, bay leaf and remaining beef and boil 1 minute.

3. Transfer mixture to Crock pot. Cover, cook on low 5 hours or on High 2 1/2 hours. Add carrots, parsnips and raisins. Cook 1 to 2 hours longer or until vegetables are tender. Remove and discard bay leaf.

*My Modifications: I didn't have diced tomatoes, so I used a large can of whole tomatoes and cut them up, but added the juice also. I probably added another 1/2 cup broth, because I wanted it with a bit more juice, and I didn't add the celery salt because I didn't have any.

Also, I did all of this in my dutch oven and put it in a 300 degree oven (even added the vegetables right away) and let it cook for about 3 1/2 - 4 hours.

It was perfectly divine. Definitely 5 stars on this one!

Elijah's First Ski Lesson

None But Christ

We sang this song at church on Sunday, and I am reminded of my sinful tendencies to run after so many things that ultimately do not satisfy. What empty pursuits I so earnestly seek! This is one of my favorite songs and unfortunately it is not available anywhere online to which I can link. That is because it is an old poem, whose author is unknown, or at least debated, and my friend wrote the music to go with it. I wish you could hear the tune, as it makes the words that much more meaningful, but you'll have to be content with the lyrics, unless you ask me to sing it for you . . .

O Christ, in Thee my soul hath found,
And found in Thee alone,
The peace, the joy I sought so long,
The bliss till now unknown.

Refrain:
Now none but Christ can satisfy,
No other name for me;
There's love, and life, and lasting joy,
Lord Jesus, found in Thee.

I sighed for rest and happiness,
I yearned for them, not Thee;
But while I passed my Saviour by,
His love laid hold on me.

I tried the broken cisterns, Lord,
But ah! the waters failed!
E'en as I stooped to drink they'd fled,
And mocked me as I wailed.

The pleasures lost I sadly mourned,
But never wept for Thee,
Till grace the sightless eyes received,
Thy loveliness to see.

That last verse always gets to me. Praise God that he opened my eyes to His loveliness and keeps pursuing me even when I try to replace Him.

Honored and Remembered

Today is the day that our Stephen would have been born. At least, the day he was due, as calculated using our limited human intelligence to determine. But God knew he would never have a home here with us, that his life would be a vapor that lasted only 5 months.

While I've known for a while that we wanted to honor Stephen today, I wasn't sure how we should do it. Until the Holy Spirit brought me the perfect idea, and instantly Dan and the kids were on board . . . we used today as the chance to sponsor a through Compassion.

We searched using Stephen's birthday, June 7th, and found Alexander, a 7 year old who lives in Mexico. Since Elijah is 7, he was adamant that we choose this boy. So this morning, as the family all gathered around the computer, we committed to helping this boy financially, but more importantly, we committed to praying for him.

As tears rolled down my cheeks, Elijah said to me, "At least we know Stephen's death will work out for good - at least I think it will."

Yes, buddy, I think it will, too.

October Unprocessed

I'm tempted to say that the October Unprocessed challenge was a bust. I'm tempted, because with a death occuring mid-way through the month, which required me to be out of state for 4 exhausting days, and then trying to get back into the groove the following week had us eating most anything that could be prepared quickly and without much thought. That meant that I raided my freezer and pantry, and while it wasn't terrible food, it was far from being unprocessed.

Although I'm tempted to admit failure, the truth is, the month did bestow a few gifts. First of all, I am more aware of what is going in our mouths each day. I'm committed to making healthier choices for all of us, but especially the kids, who are more inclined to snack on highly processed foods than I am. Dan is still a bit of a hold out. He'll eat whatever I serve without complaint, but we still have lively discussions about what constitutes healthy eating.

Secondly, as I type this, I have fresh, homemade crock-pot yogurt in my refrigerator and I must say, I am starting to enjoy the tartness of plain yogurt (okay, with a little homemade granola thrown in) and I think I'm getting my kids to eat it with less sugar than it's highly-processed cousin, Yoplait. I also have resumed making my own bread. And while it is time-consuming, the bread is so delicious and my family LOVES it and it is really hearty and filling. One sandwich goes a lot further on homemade bread than on the air-filled bread we were buying.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about my health this month, and fighting the temptation to think that God owes me a long life if I'm careful about what I eat. But then I'm reminded of a man like Steve Jobs, who was by all accounts a very healthy eater (I think the only meat he ate was fish) and he was stricken with pacreatic cancer and dead by 57. It's been a battle to remind myself that God has my days numbered and while I should be a good steward of my body, and I admittedly feel much better when I'm eating well, it is up to His good pleasure to bring me home when He sees fit. Nothing I do can change that.

So maybe the challenge wasn't a complete bust. I failed it in so many ways, but it didn't fail me in giving me the renewed vigor to make smart choices and to shop differently as we move forward.

I'm hoping to post some of the new recipes I tried this month in the coming days, assuming I have the time. You might have noticed that I don't post as much as I say I will!

A Prayer for Vegetables

credit

Our oldest child has a sincere dislike for most anything from the vegetable family. This does not cause much of a problem at either breakfast or lunch, where fruit tend to dominate, but for dinner - boy, oh, boy - does this ever cause distress.

If you were a fly on our wall at most dinner times, you would get an eye and ear full (that is, if flies have ears?). It seems every dinner is plagued with complaining from one side of the table and pleading and demanding from the other. I'll leave it to you to figure out which side I'm sitting on. But as it is, I refuse to let my child determine his own diet, so the veggies must be eaten.

Before you start leaving suggestions as to how to get him to eat veggies cheerfully, I'm fairly certain we've tried it all. Butter, cheese, ranch dressing, holding your nose, mixing with food, drinking copious amounts of water and even pureeing them to secretly add to the main dish have been attempted and failed on most accounts. When we think we've discovered a way that he will tolerate, more times that not, by the next serving he has changed his mind and once again fights having to ingest them. On more than one occasion, I've reminded him that I caught him eating dog food multiple times as a toddler and then I reassure him that my green beans with bacon are much tastier than that, but no luck. He still won't budge.

So I wasn't surprised when he reported to his grandmother that he often prays that he will like vegetables. We've had that discussion, too. Unfortunately it hasn't seemed to work yet, and he is only too aware of that fact.

So where does that leave me? I'm praying and pleading with God, too. Only not that he would just eat the stupid vegetables and make my life and our dinner time more peaceful (although I would take it!) but I'm begging God to answer his tiny prayer. I'm asking God to give him the ability to do what is right, that is in this situation, to eat his vegetables without complaint, and to make it so powerfully different that he sees it as a direct answer from God. I want him to grow up knowing a God who can and will help you do difficult things and I want him to run to God at every turn, especially when life gets difficult.

Is that too much to ask of my Heavenly Father? I don't think so. Please, God, make yourself real in my child's life, even if it means answering a silly request like being able to eat vegetables.

October Unprocessed On Hold

I'm afraid that this coming week marks a hiatus for our family from the October Unprocessed Challenge. There has been a death in our family, which requires me to be absent from my daily life. As I plan on still doing my best to choose healthy, unprocessed foods while on hiatus, I'm afraid eating out and eating meals prepared by others will limit me a bit. I'll check back in a few days and let you know how I fared.

5 Days In

Well, we are officially into our October Unprocessed Challenge and I must admit, it is harder than I thought. Mostly it is difficult for the kids and Dan, although he is kinda ignoring my advice and eating whatever he wants when he is on his own.

So here is a breakdown of what we've been eating for the last 5 days:

Breakfast - I went ahead and made my homemade granola recipe with brown sugar. Sorry, I'm not ready to mess with that. Besides, I don't eat it. My breakfasts are almost solely comprised of eggs, re-fried beans (only beans and salt in those!) and sauteed peppers and onions. But for the rest of the family, I'm willing for them to eat healthy, preservative-free granola, with a little brown sugar, than sugary boxed cereal. I'm hoping to get them eating real oatmeal soon, but these sensitive transitions take time. The kids are still drinking milk, but on the rare occasion I eat oatmeal, I use unsweetened almond milk. In fact, I've been using almond milk as a substitute for regular milk in almost all my recipes (except bread).

Lunch - This has been a bit more difficult. So far the kids have eaten pbj sandwiches on homemade bread. We buy Skippy Natural peanut butter, which may not pass the "completely unprocessed" rule, but it is better than the regular stuff. I searched for jelly made without high fructose corn syrup and was amazed to find a couple of brands at Woodman's that are made from fruit, sugar and pectin. Once again, I'm not totally on the bandwagon of sugar-free yet.

I've mostly been eating tuna or egg salad (with beans), although my mayo is processed. Not sure what I can do about that, except I am planning a trip to Trader Joe's this week and maybe I can find something there. Yesterday I made a salad with chicken and beans and without thinking I added dressing. Oops! Should have been homemade, but it was Newman's Own, which is all-natural, whatever that means. As I start to make more soups this fall, I plan on eating leftovers regularly.

Supper - is the easiest. Most of my recipes are made from scratch and while I do fudge a little when the recipe calls for soy sauce or something of the like, for the most part it is the most un-processed meal of the day.

Dessert - this is for the kids and Dan. I really try to stay away from sugar and unnecessary calories myself, so I rarely partake. But snacks and such are a must for the kids and I have to indulge them with more than apple slices sometimes, so here has been our go-to snack for the week:

Cookie Dough Dip - from Chocolate-Covered Katie

• 1 1/2 cups chickpeas (1 can, drained) (250g)
• 1/8 tsp plus 1/16 tsp salt
• tiny bit over 1/8 tsp baking soda
• 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1/4 cup nut butter (You can get away with using only 3 T)
• up to 1/4 cup nondairy milk (Start with 1 T, and add more as needed)
• Sweetener (see note below, for amount)
• 1/3 cup chocolate chips
• 2 to 3 T oats (or flaxmeal) (You can omit, but also omit the milk if you do)

Add all ingredients (except for chocolate chips) to a blender or food processor, and blend until very smooth. Then mix in the chocolate chips.

Once again, I used brown sugar for the sweetener (2/3 cup), but hey, my kids are scarfing down chickpeas. I can overlook a little sugar for that fact alone. They love to dip apple slices in this and they are convinced they're getting the most sugary treat possible. I love it!!! I also found some amazingly simple graham crackers in the health food aisle, so when apples get boring, I'll break those out.

Next up is homemade applesauce! I hope to be posting some other recipes soon. I can't say we are doing this challenge completely perfectly, but I love that I'm thinking purposefully about my food! Hope you are, too!

WHAT?!?! Sugar is Processed?!?!

Gearing up for the October Unprocessed Challenge and I read this post which informed me that white sugar is processed. Forgive me for my ignorance, but if the label says "contains sugar" I kinda assumed it was okay to eat. Apparently the processing makes it unnatural. How's a non-crunchy girl supposed to know that? Anyway, I was prepared to make all of our "treats" this month and to use real ingredients (i.e. no cake mix cookies) but this new revelation has me in a tizzy. It changes a lot of ideas I had about what is and is not considered "processed." Hmmm, this is going to be a bigger challenge than I previously thought.

So I've been browsing a couple of blogs for sweet ideas and found some that look really good, using agave nectar or honey as a natural sweetener. The two blogs I have been most impressed with are:

Chocolate-Covered Katie (how can you go wrong with a title like that?)
and
Deliciously Organic (of which I have already made the homemade coffee creamer)

I'll admit, we have been using up a lot of totally-processed foods this week. Dinner every night has been an attempt to see what I can use from my pantry before I start the challenge and in case I fall so madly in love with the idea of eating real food that I forever banish processed ingredients from my household (thick sarcasm there!)

Anyway, last night was a bean soup mix to which you only add water and I must admit, it tasted kinda artificial. Surprising, since I haven't started yet. Maybe just thinking healthy thoughts has already retrained my taste buds.

Tonight is barbecue meatballs. The meatballs are frozen (probably laced with cyanide or something dangerous like that) and the sauce is made from ketchup (can we say high fructose corn syrup?), soy sauce, which the before-mentioned post informed me was processed, tomato paste (I'm calling that safe) vinegar (safe) and brown sugar, which I'm assuming the Great Value brand is probably akin to eating anthrax. Oh, and white rice that is parboiled, of which I just bought a 5 lb. bag, so that is getting used this month challenge or not. I hope I survive long enough to make it to the start tomorrow!

*Small caveat* Tomorrow is our church's annual chili supper and bonfire, which I can whole-heartedly say is my FAVORITE activity of the year. I'm eating whatever I want and I'm not going to apologize for it. 'Nuff said.

Autumn Finally Arrives

For some reason, my kids are ecstatic about new seasons. Now don't get me wrong, I love Fall and often look forward to it coming, but the kids seem to insist on knowing the actual day the seasons change and they always want to do something special to commemorate the occasion.

Enter Pinterest, that amazing site I blogged about earlier. We (being me) decided that a sugary treat would be the best way to welcome this warm and fuzzy season. And I found the perfect idea.

 Get yourself a box of doughnut holes. (Never you mind my last post - this was a week ago!)

 Smear one end with chocolate frosting. If we ever do this again, I would choose to use Nutella (that's all-natural, right?)

Dip the frosted end in some sprinkles.

 Stick half of a pretzel stick into the end . . .

 . . . and VOILA! You have an edible fall acorn.

Eat and repeat, as many times as necessary.

Happy Fall!

The Unprocessed Food Challenge

October Unprocessed hosted by Eating Rules!

I'm committed (or maybe I should be committed!) to this challenge. Click on the link above to check out the "rules" to this challenge.

Since eating unprocessed is relatively new to me, there are a few adjustments that I will make for our household in this challenge:

1. While I will try to refrain from canned foods with additional un-pronounceable ingredients, there are a few exceptions. Since I eat a TON of beans each month, my pantry is already stocked with cans and cans. I plan on trying my hand at cooking my own beans, but I can't promise that I won't occasionally pop open a can when I'm in a rush. Besides, most canned beans only have calcium chloride added and although a few cans that have high fructose corn syrup added, I'm betting that I wash all that away when I rinse. At least that is what I'm telling myself to stay sane.

2. I figure most of my meals will have to be completely homemade, but once again, in the rush of our busy life I will be willing to use a previously prepared meal that I have frozen. I use my chest freezer a lot and often make a double batch of a recipe so that I can freeze one for later. I'm not going to waste meals in a lame attempt to worship this challenge. The idea is to serve us, not for us to serve it.

3.  Still haven't decided what to do for breakfast. I don't think I can manage cooking breakfast every morning, especially on Sundays, so the occasional bowl of sugary cereal may be consumed.

I'm hoping to blog my way through this challenge, as time permits. Homeschooling has overtaken our schedule like never before! I hope some of you will do this with me so we can encourage each other toward a more healthy lifestyle!

With only 5 days until the challenge starts, we better get busy eating up all our junk food! ;)

First Day of School 2011

It seemed like a late start this year, but we finally had our first day of school today.

Elijah complained that his handwriting wasn't nearly as good when writing with chalk, but I convinced him it was worth the picture. He is my perfectionist 2nd grader!

Alli did not complain, but she is about as much of a perfectionist as her older brother.

I had a couple of fun surprises for the kids on their first day . . .

including a package of Pop Rocks. My kids had never experienced the strange candy sensation that is Pop Rocks, and they did not fail in exciting them tremendously!

Elijah woke up to a new place mat with the solar system, as we will be studying astronomy this year in science.

Alli got a place mat that has instructions on how to set the table. She was so excited to use it for dinner tonight, and mommy was happy to allow her that responsibility!

Overall a good first day, even after a pretty rough start first thing this morning. The kids belong to a home school co-op that also met today, so they were excited to see their friends and attend the classes. With the fall weather we've had these past few days, it really felt like the start to a new school year. Let's hope and pray that we continue to go strong.

Pinterest Ignites my Craftiness

I don't know if you have discovered Pinterest yet, but let me warn you in advance, it is a bit addictive. Basically, it is an online pin board, which allows you to save all those great pictures, quotes, recipes and such that you find around the internet. It also allows you to follow people's pins (luckily I have amazingly crafty and stylish friends!) and see what the larger community of "pinners" are interested in. I've found some amazing ideas and last week decided it was time to quit looking and thinking "someday" and actually try some of those crafts out!

First up: Mod Podge scrapbook paper onto tiles, add felt on the bottom and voila! you have new coasters. Here is my attempt.
Next time I'll cut the paper a bit smaller and maybe round the corners, but I like them.

Second project: Mod Podge (I was on a roll with a new bottle!) scrapbook paper over an oatmeal container to store headbands on the outside and bows and such on the inside.
Alli loves it, but I must admit that the paper bubbled a bit under the mod podge, but who's really going to see that, when covered with all those headbands? I will warn you, a 12x12 scrapbook sheet doesn't fully wrap around the container, so I had to cut and glue an extra piece, but I put that part towards the wall.

Now, on to all those other projects that I have been "pinning" all day!

Energy Balls

I've been looking for snacks and treats that are easy to make and relatively low in sugar to give the kids since they seem to be ravenously hungry 99% of their awake hours. Somehow, last night, the memory of these quick bite no-bake cookies came to my mind and I decided to look up the recipe and make them. They are a perfect recipe to have your kids "help" you make.

Quick Energy Pick-Me-Ups

3-4 crushed graham crackers
1 c. powdered sugar
1 c. peanut butter
1 c. chocolate chips
1/2 c. instant non-fat dry milk
3 Tbsp. water
optional: coconut

Mix all ingredients in a bowl. Using a tablespoon measurment, scoop out dough and form into balls. Refrigerate for 1 hour before eating, then keep refrigerated.

Thanksgiving in Grief

Last week a friend returned from 7 1/2 long months in Afghanistan. While he was away, I prayed for his safety, but probably more often I prayed for his wife. Their children are grown and so she had to live by herself while he was deployed. I can't say which I would hate worse - being away from my husband for so long, or having to sleep in an empty house each night. Either way, there was much rejoicing this last week when word came he was home.

I found myself praising God for his safe arrival. I thanked Him for keeping our friend alive and for being everything his wife needed during this extended trial. I saw God working in her life, specifically, I saw her leaning on Him to get her through each day and I appreciated her opening up her heart to others when they asked how she was doing.

Yesterday was the first day I was able to see our friend since he came home. I hugged him as I entered the church before the service began. I told them both that I had been praying for them and praising God for bringing him home.

And then it hit me. I don't know if I've praised God for anything since we lost our baby. The Spirit pricked my heart during the worship service and immediately tears filled my eyes. I thought I had nothing to praise Him for - how could I be thankful for the tears and heartache we've experienced over the past 2 1/2 months? But that one instance of thankfulness reminded my heart of the joy gratefulness brings. It reminded me that although I have been remiss to thank God for much of anything these last few months, He has been and continues to be very gracious to me. And I can be thankful, even in grief.

The Power of the Written Word

I was cleaning up today, and as I gazed around the dining room looking for articles out of place, my eyes rested on a pile of cards. Nothing belonging to the kids, but a stack of letters and cards that have been arriving in the mail since we lost Stephen.

I gazed at them for a moment. They have collected on a cherry hutch since mid-June. The first few weeks after our loss, they came every day, many in each mail delivery. As the weeks passed, the flow of sympathy cards diminished, but their power did not.

I found every bit of condolences offered as very touching. In this technological world, many of the messages we received were over Facebook, email or texts. Those were great. They were nearly instantaneous and greeted me every time I sat down at the computer. But there was something special in those cards. The fact that someone took the time to carefully select a sympathy card, and then to write a personal note acknowledging our pain was immeasurably comforting.

Feeling the grace and kindness from others expressed in a handwritten letter has been incredibly healing. I am resolved to be better about it myself as I encounter others who grieve. And less you are tempted to think that it is too late to send a card, that too much time has gone by since your friend experienced a loss, let it be known that some of the most touching letters we received arrived weeks, even months after our loss. Please don't think that the time frame matters as much as the sentiment. I know people who have cherished notes even years after their loss, knowing that someone realizes they still mourn.

I decided to put those cards away today. But not before I read each and every one of them over again, pausing for a moment to relish each sentiment. The tears came, as my heart swelled with the remembrance of each grace given in every note. I tucked them into the box of things I have for Stephen and put them away in my closet. Out of sight, but of course, never out of mind.

So if I can encourage you to say something to those grieving around you, can I also encourage you to write something? Take whatever time you need to do it, but do it nonetheless. I guarantee you will bless the hurting around you.

Father's Day 2011

Elijah ~ 7.5 years

(Still working on natural posing . . .)

Allison ~ 5 years old

Don't Say Nothing

I know it is awkward. I remember feeling the same way. I've had others tell me they don't want to make me cry, that it is hard to know the right words to say. My brain can comprehend the fear, but my heart can't grasp the reasoning. If you have a friend, or even an aquaintance, going through the grieving process, don't say nothing.

First of all, there is no "right" thing to say, like there exists the perfect, magical phrase that will make the pain go away, or at least serve some higher purpose. And because everyone grieves differently, I can't say with certainty what any one person might desire to hear. But silence can be as painful as the worst, most insensitive comment.

Silence gives the impression that my pain doesn't matter. It makes me feel like your desire for comfortable conversation is more important than my life-shattering trial. And as much as I long for easy-breezy interaction, my heart won't allow it if you can't even acknowledge the bludgeoning my soul took with this death.

It doesn't have to be the first thing you say to me. It might not be the right moment, but don't ignore the trial altogether. A simple "I'm so sorry for your loss . . . I've been thinking and praying for you . . . Is there anything I can do?" is more than adequate. And don't worry about making me cry, knowing you care enough to talk to me about our trial makes up for any smeared mascara that may result.

Worst-Case Scenario

It happened 3 weeks ago. The worst-case scenario unfolded in front of our eyes. Admitted into the hospital with signs that my water had broken, we waited as my temperature rose and then endured an amnio only to find out what my heart feared most: my water had broken and an infection had entered my uterus. Fatal for my 18 week old child, and equally dangerous for me.

Stephen Ryan Zempel was born on June 7th, weighing only 7.8 oz. He was perfect and beautiful and we buried him next to his sister.

Right now, we are all grieving. Probably me, most of all. The tears come often, the questions are even more frequent. I don't understand why God chose to send us through this grief again. I don't know what to do with this hole in our family that didn't exist 5 months ago. Fear and worry threaten to overtake me at times and I'm devouring all I can find and read on grief. This time seems to be even harder than losing our baby girl. I think it is because we are mourning both now.

I don't know what this blog will look like over the coming weeks and months. I don't know if I will share more of my grief or if it will remain silent as I grieve. I guess you'll have to wait and see. I guess I will, too.

Asking for the Best Case Scenario

Life has been pretty eventful since my last post, happily announcing our unexpected blessing of another child. I believe most people who read this blog know about the loss we experienced the summer of 2005, when I delivered our 22 week-old baby girl too early to survive. We mourned and buried her, fully aware that the physical complication that caused her premature birth could prevent us from ever having another full-term baby again.

3 months later, God blessed us with another pregnancy, and a surgical procedure allowed me to carry that baby girl to full term, although it required constant monitoring and modified bed rest for the majority of the pregnancy.

After that taxing 9 months, Dan and I knew that making the decision to have another child would be difficult. We knew what trial we would have to endure, and so we decided to be content with the 2 wonderful children God had blessed us with, but knowing that if God should so choose, we could still have another child.

That brings us to March of this year, with a 7 year old and *almost* 5 year old and plans-a-plenty for summer fun. We found out that I was expecting again. Surprised but overjoyed, I knew the temptations for fear and worry would rear their ugly head and they did. I was certain I would miscarry.

I didn't miscarry in the first trimester, which meant that I could have the same surgical procedure that protected my pregnancy with Allison, which I had 3 weeks ago. One week ago I went in to have a check-up on the surgery and the Doctor found that it was failing. I was admitted immediately and the surgery was repeated. Since then, I have been on a stricter bed rest than I ever had with Alli, but not confined to my bed 24/7. I have to have in-home help every day.

Those same demons of fear and worry are back. I am fighting them still. You may see me cry and you may hear me express worry and doubt, but that does not mean I'm not fighting and I'm not trusting. After losing our first baby girl, God's grace was so present and helpful through those dark days. I know His grace will be there again, new every morning for exactly the battle for that day.

All of that being said, I have been asking friends to pray very specifically. My last prayer request was that the surgery would take and that I would be allowed to go home on bed rest, as opposed to being hospitalized long-term. God was gracious and it appears the surgery did work and thus my last 7 days have been at home. Friday is my next appointment.

I am asking you all to continue to pray. I know you will pray for peace and grace and for victory over fear and worry, and all those are necessary, much-appreciated prayers. However, I fully believe that it is honoring to an Omniscient, Sovereign God to speak honestly about our desires. He knows our heart already! He is my Father, who earnestly desires for me to come to Him like the needy child I am. So before next Friday, June 3rd, I'm asking you to pray specifically the following:

1. that the surgery is still performing it's intended purpose. To be graphic, that my cervical length has not shortened - at. all.

2. that the current bed rest arrangement will be adequate for another 2 weeks until my next appointment.

3. that the baby would continue to be safe and healthy - it is difficult to know that it is my body threatening the loss of this otherwise healthy baby.

4. that the next 6 weeks would go by quickly and uneventfully!

Please know that we are all to aware of the potential of the loss of this baby. We are trusting God that it is He who gave us this gift and it is He who will have to preserve it. Please don't think that if the worst-case scenario occurs, it will mean that God failed us. We know who is in control. We are trusting no matter what happens. But please pray with us for the best case scenario!

In Case You Haven't Heard Yet

Due November 4th