Monday, June 27, 2011

Worst-Case Scenario

It happened 3 weeks ago. The worst-case scenario unfolded in front of our eyes. Admitted into the hospital with signs that my water had broken, we waited as my temperature rose and then endured an amnio only to find out what my heart feared most: my water had broken and an infection had entered my uterus. Fatal for my 18 week old child, and equally dangerous for me.

Stephen Ryan Zempel was born on June 7th, weighing only 7.8 oz. He was perfect and beautiful and we buried him next to his sister.

Right now, we are all grieving. Probably me, most of all. The tears come often, the questions are even more frequent. I don't understand why God chose to send us through this grief again. I don't know what to do with this hole in our family that didn't exist 5 months ago. Fear and worry threaten to overtake me at times and I'm devouring all I can find and read on grief. This time seems to be even harder than losing our baby girl. I think it is because we are mourning both now.

I don't know what this blog will look like over the coming weeks and months. I don't know if I will share more of my grief or if it will remain silent as I grieve. I guess you'll have to wait and see. I guess I will, too.

5 comments:

Miscellaneous From Missy said...

Oh, Donette. I'm aching for and with you.

sarah said...

We will keep praying you through each day ahead!

Allecia said...

many prayers for comfort

Gretchen said...

Hey, friend. Have you read "A Path Through Suffering" by Elisabeth Elliot? It's one of my favorite books of all time. It's beautiful and I think you'd love it.

Donette said...

No I haven't, Gret, but I will add it to my list of books to read. I'm working on 2 right now, then CS Lewis' "A Grief Observed" is next, then I'll look for your recommendation.