Sunday, May 29, 2011

Asking for the Best Case Scenario

Life has been pretty eventful since my last post, happily announcing our unexpected blessing of another child. I believe most people who read this blog know about the loss we experienced the summer of 2005, when I delivered our 22 week-old baby girl too early to survive. We mourned and buried her, fully aware that the physical complication that caused her premature birth could prevent us from ever having another full-term baby again.

3 months later, God blessed us with another pregnancy, and a surgical procedure allowed me to carry that baby girl to full term, although it required constant monitoring and modified bed rest for the majority of the pregnancy.

After that taxing 9 months, Dan and I knew that making the decision to have another child would be difficult. We knew what trial we would have to endure, and so we decided to be content with the 2 wonderful children God had blessed us with, but knowing that if God should so choose, we could still have another child.

That brings us to March of this year, with a 7 year old and *almost* 5 year old and plans-a-plenty for summer fun. We found out that I was expecting again. Surprised but overjoyed, I knew the temptations for fear and worry would rear their ugly head and they did. I was certain I would miscarry.

I didn't miscarry in the first trimester, which meant that I could have the same surgical procedure that protected my pregnancy with Allison, which I had 3 weeks ago. One week ago I went in to have a check-up on the surgery and the Doctor found that it was failing. I was admitted immediately and the surgery was repeated. Since then, I have been on a stricter bed rest than I ever had with Alli, but not confined to my bed 24/7. I have to have in-home help every day.

Those same demons of fear and worry are back. I am fighting them still. You may see me cry and you may hear me express worry and doubt, but that does not mean I'm not fighting and I'm not trusting. After losing our first baby girl, God's grace was so present and helpful through those dark days. I know His grace will be there again, new every morning for exactly the battle for that day.

All of that being said, I have been asking friends to pray very specifically. My last prayer request was that the surgery would take and that I would be allowed to go home on bed rest, as opposed to being hospitalized long-term. God was gracious and it appears the surgery did work and thus my last 7 days have been at home. Friday is my next appointment.

I am asking you all to continue to pray. I know you will pray for peace and grace and for victory over fear and worry, and all those are necessary, much-appreciated prayers. However, I fully believe that it is honoring to an Omniscient, Sovereign God to speak honestly about our desires. He knows our heart already! He is my Father, who earnestly desires for me to come to Him like the needy child I am. So before next Friday, June 3rd, I'm asking you to pray specifically the following:

1. that the surgery is still performing it's intended purpose. To be graphic, that my cervical length has not shortened - at. all.

2. that the current bed rest arrangement will be adequate for another 2 weeks until my next appointment.

3. that the baby would continue to be safe and healthy - it is difficult to know that it is my body threatening the loss of this otherwise healthy baby.

4. that the next 6 weeks would go by quickly and uneventfully!

Please know that we are all to aware of the potential of the loss of this baby. We are trusting God that it is He who gave us this gift and it is He who will have to preserve it. Please don't think that if the worst-case scenario occurs, it will mean that God failed us. We know who is in control. We are trusting no matter what happens. But please pray with us for the best case scenario!


Abigail said...


I use Paul's words to pray with you:

I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
*Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen

You are in my prayers, and in His grace!


Erica Barnes said...

Prayers for mercy and grace on this dear little life and on you, Christ's other child. No words of advice, you big insights into the whys of suffering and children dying. Just deep deep grief for you as you wait. I know what you mean about the odd guilt that it is your body harming the baby. I still struggle with that sometimes. May you find great peace in the hands of our Great Shepherd.

Allecia said...

Praying peace for you and protection for you little one!

Miscellaneous From Missy said...

I'll fight those demons with you in prayer! And I'll pray for your baby to live. I wish I could hug you through the internet; since I can't please know that my arms are around you right now.

Lisa M. (Clark) Mengarelli said...

I cant/wont take credit for this "prayer". Its from a book I refer to ALOT for misc things I personally am dealing with and/or want to share with others.

Please know its meant to be an encouragement to you. I hope & pray that Im NOT "stepping on anyones toes" b/c that is the LAST THING I want to happen.

Hopefully, you all know me well enough & know my heart & how Im TRYING to be an encouragement to you all & onvey that (encouragement) to you via something like this. I guess I just worry about sharing things like this b/c Im SCARED people with take it the "wrong way" or whatnot. But, I honestly felt like I should share this with you...I will NOT be offeneded if you want me to delete it or even if YOU all delete it yourselves.

Here is the prayer.


So, I pray you dont take ANY OFFENSE to anything.

I just wanted to write the ENTIRE "prayer" for you. The only thing I did change were some pronouns. Here it is:

"O merciful Father, have pity on us. We dont understand why you have allowed the life of our baby to be threatened. You know how deeply we love this child, even though we cant see him/her. He/she is alive, a tiny person--I (her mama) can feel him/her moving inside of me. We are so afraid for him/her. Save his/her precious life, Lord. How can we endure this? Teach us how to trust You. Help us submit to Your will.

We want to protect him/her, but we cant. His/her life is in Your hands. All I, as his/her mama, can do is lie here in bed, trying not to move, trying to relax. The doctors tell us they're doing all they can & all we can do is wait, and You know Lord, "waiting" is VERY hard to do. Give us patience. Help us to focus our thoughts on You, knowing You love him/her even more than we do.

We're determined to have faith
in You. We choose to believe You can spare him/her & bring him/her into this world as a beautiful, healthy baby. We believe You have great places for his/her life. I believe he/she will grow into a godly man/woman who will love You fervently & will serve You diligently. We believe his/her life will bless many people.

Still, if You love him/her so much & You want him/her to live in heaven with You now, Lord, we trust You about that. We give him/her to You. We want whatever is best for him/her & we know thats what You will do. Help us to confidently rest in that. Thank YOU for YOUR love, Lord...Amen"

(Romans 8:28)
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
I apologize for the length of this post. But, its just something I felt I should might be thinking the complete OPPOSITE! If so, NO WORRIES! We love your family and continue to pray for you daily!!!!
~~Love, Your Friends,
Ben, Lisa and Dominick Mengarelli