Sunday, May 29, 2011

Asking for the Best Case Scenario

Life has been pretty eventful since my last post, happily announcing our unexpected blessing of another child. I believe most people who read this blog know about the loss we experienced the summer of 2005, when I delivered our 22 week-old baby girl too early to survive. We mourned and buried her, fully aware that the physical complication that caused her premature birth could prevent us from ever having another full-term baby again.

3 months later, God blessed us with another pregnancy, and a surgical procedure allowed me to carry that baby girl to full term, although it required constant monitoring and modified bed rest for the majority of the pregnancy.

After that taxing 9 months, Dan and I knew that making the decision to have another child would be difficult. We knew what trial we would have to endure, and so we decided to be content with the 2 wonderful children God had blessed us with, but knowing that if God should so choose, we could still have another child.

That brings us to March of this year, with a 7 year old and *almost* 5 year old and plans-a-plenty for summer fun. We found out that I was expecting again. Surprised but overjoyed, I knew the temptations for fear and worry would rear their ugly head and they did. I was certain I would miscarry.

I didn't miscarry in the first trimester, which meant that I could have the same surgical procedure that protected my pregnancy with Allison, which I had 3 weeks ago. One week ago I went in to have a check-up on the surgery and the Doctor found that it was failing. I was admitted immediately and the surgery was repeated. Since then, I have been on a stricter bed rest than I ever had with Alli, but not confined to my bed 24/7. I have to have in-home help every day.

Those same demons of fear and worry are back. I am fighting them still. You may see me cry and you may hear me express worry and doubt, but that does not mean I'm not fighting and I'm not trusting. After losing our first baby girl, God's grace was so present and helpful through those dark days. I know His grace will be there again, new every morning for exactly the battle for that day.

All of that being said, I have been asking friends to pray very specifically. My last prayer request was that the surgery would take and that I would be allowed to go home on bed rest, as opposed to being hospitalized long-term. God was gracious and it appears the surgery did work and thus my last 7 days have been at home. Friday is my next appointment.

I am asking you all to continue to pray. I know you will pray for peace and grace and for victory over fear and worry, and all those are necessary, much-appreciated prayers. However, I fully believe that it is honoring to an Omniscient, Sovereign God to speak honestly about our desires. He knows our heart already! He is my Father, who earnestly desires for me to come to Him like the needy child I am. So before next Friday, June 3rd, I'm asking you to pray specifically the following:

1. that the surgery is still performing it's intended purpose. To be graphic, that my cervical length has not shortened - at. all.

2. that the current bed rest arrangement will be adequate for another 2 weeks until my next appointment.

3. that the baby would continue to be safe and healthy - it is difficult to know that it is my body threatening the loss of this otherwise healthy baby.

4. that the next 6 weeks would go by quickly and uneventfully!

Please know that we are all to aware of the potential of the loss of this baby. We are trusting God that it is He who gave us this gift and it is He who will have to preserve it. Please don't think that if the worst-case scenario occurs, it will mean that God failed us. We know who is in control. We are trusting no matter what happens. But please pray with us for the best case scenario!